Tauriel is from the second and third Hobbit movies, and I got very excited when I saw her in the trailers. So excited, in fact, that I made this costume before the movie came out and wore it to the theaters to go watch it with my friends. So my only references were the promo shots and blurry screenshots of the trailers. I was just so hyped about her; red-headed elf that looks TOTALLY badass (and the fact that I had a huge Legolas obsession absolutely had nothing to do with it >_> ), sign me up!

The Costume

As I said above, I made this costume before the movie came out. I didn’t have a lot of great reference pictures, and there weren’t any commercial patterns to help me out at all, so I had to really just guess how it was put together. This was my first experience patterning something out completely by myself; on things like Maria Theresa, I took pieces from different patterns, altered things, and patterned out bits here and there on my own, but I hadn’t attempted to pattern out a full costume before. It’s far from perfect, and I know now what areas I could improve on, but at the time, it was all new territory for me.

My costume is put together in three layers: on the bottom, a pair of purchased leggings and a tank top. The second layer is the main piece, which I made sort of a tunic/dress piece with long sleeves and a few pieces dangling down like a skirt, I’m not sure what you’d call it, and a zipper down the front. I should have made the bodice of that a bit longer; I cut it off exactly at my waist and attached the bottom pieces to that, which I quickly learned left bits of midriff exposed at the sides (hence the tank underneath). The top layer is a sleeveless vest with a hood, and laced up the front to hide the middle layer’s zipper. My friend and I also guessed our way through making some simple leather bracers; they’re not fancy by any means, but we were quite proud of ourselves.

Another first for this costume: no shiny fabric! I wasn’t quite out of my satin-obsessed phase, but I had the sense to not cover a fighter like Tauriel in shiny stuff. Her fabric all came from the fashion district in LA, and is primarily sturdy canvas-type material. I did have a minor problem in that my arms had rather restricted movement, so in hindsight I would probably choose a fabric that has more give to it if I ever redo the piece.

After the misadventures of doing Mystique, I learned to use liquid latex in a more reasonable capacity: blending the edges of small prosthetics. I looked up some tutorials on how to do elf ears, and with a little practice I got the hang of it. My first couple pairs of ears were some cheap Halloween store things, but for the longest time I had my eye on getting some from a company called Aradani. I did eventually get some, albeit for Spock instead of Tauriel; they are amazing, and definitely what I would recommend to anyone looking at getting ears.

Like with Mystique, I used my real hair for Tauriel; while it never got to the knee-length locks seen in the movies, I figured I would use what I already have instead of spending money on a wig in my natural color.

I didn’t have much in the way of props and other accessories; I always wanted to make a bow or some daggers for her, but I just never had the time to get around to it. I also wanted to make a leather bodice like shown in the films, but at the time I was afraid of delving too much into leatherwork. Historically speaking, I’ve been hesitant to dive into expensive materials such as leather or Worbla (thermoplastic) if I’m not confident in my ability to do so correctly. I’m a lot braver now than I was at the time, so perhaps in the future I can branching out with my crafting.

The Experience

First off, I had a lot of fun as Tauriel. I loved being an elf prancing around the woods! However, one thing became abundantly clear the first time I watched Desolation of Smaug in the theatres: Everything I thought about how the costume actually went together was COMPLETELY wrong. I was still proud though, because hey, I didn’t have a lot to go on in the first place. Other than being inaccurate, it looked pretty darn good.

Tauriel made it around the con circuit a few times over the next few years. I think the first convention I wore her was ALA 2014 or so, and later with my friend as Thorin. However, she didn’t get a lot of recognition, which made me VERY sad. I recall one AX where I was talking to this amazing looking Thranduil cosplayer, and someone came up while we were chatting and went “Omg Thranduil! I love the Hobbit! You’re the only cosplay from it I’ve seen at all!” And I just kinda… stood there… yeah… A part of me wanted to speak up and say “hey, I’m from the same movie!” but that would have been rude, so I just kept my mouth shut.

A lot of people also mistook me for Link from Legend of Zelda, so that was just extremely confusing. It just kinda left me wondering… How? Why do you think that? Not every elf is Legend of Zelda! But even with people who didn’t recognize me, I got a lot of “I don’t know who you are, but you look cool!” which is always nice to hear.

Honestly, the most fun I had as Tauriel was just hanging out with my friends. Even if our cosplays didn’t match, it was a lot of fun roleplaying as we waited in line for panels. It’s honestly really interesting to sit and go “Well, these characters don’t know each other… But what if they did?” And now, one of our favorite things while cosplaying is figuring out our characters’ dynamics, even across different fandoms. If anyone is curious, I’m talking Tauriel meets Grantaire from Les Miserables; what a crossover, right?

The Future

So I haven’t cosplayed Tauriel in a while. I mean a LONG while. I don’t have any plans to bring her back any time soon, but honestly, the minute anyone comes to me saying they’re putting together a Hobbit group, you can bet I’ll be down! Although bringing her back would depend on two things: one, I don’t have the long hair I spent several years growing out for her anymore (and plan to keep it short for the time being), so I would need to invest in a wig. And two, if I want to do her again, it’s redesign time. I’ve wanted to redo her outfit since I first saw it in the movie, and now that I have more knowledge and skill, I think I could really put a lot more into it than I had back then. That’s not to say I’m not proud of the costume I made, though; it was the best I could do with my skills at the time. I would just love the opportunity to do it again, to really see how far I’ve come in the past few years.

Meanwhile, like with all my cosplays, I’m determined to get as much use out of Tauriel’s outfit as I can. I’m still using the individual pieces here and there for things like outfits for the Renaissance Faire. So who knows, maybe look at some of my other cosplays, and you might just see a piece of Tauriel’s legacy.

The post Cosplay Highlights: Tauriel appeared first on Jennifer Lidikay.

If you would like to keep up with my content even when I’m a forgetful potato (which is a lot, let’s be honest), please consider becoming a subscriber! There are free and paid options, and any kind of support from you guys means the world to me. And if you’re already a subscriber, a big THANK YOU to you!! Now without further ado, on to today’s topic!

Riding on the excitement from Anime Expo this weekend, I kind of wanted to talk a little bit about the fandom experience. I’ve touched on the subject a little bit before in a general sense (see: Why I Cosplay), but I think it’s important to share the feeling of having what I call a “fandom family”.

If you’re not in the cosplay scene, and/or are otherwise unfamiliar with the term, a fandom is a group of people (aka nerds) who are all interested in the same thing. Game of Thrones fans, Star Trek fans, etc. are all fandoms. These can be huge fanbases like the aforementioned, or all the way down to the most obscure, niche thing you just happened to find on the internet and show your friend. If you’re part of a group that likes a thing, congratulations: you’ve joined a fandom.

I’m in a lot of different fandoms, and each of them have their own unique vibe from the people in it. It was a bit of a culture shock going to a comic book convention after having exclusively attended anime cons for a couple years; the energy in the hall was completely different. Some fandoms are loud and boisterous, others more laid back. Every fandom basically has its own dynamic and culture, and not all are created equal.

Fandom families are what I call it when you join a fandom and it just… Clicks. You really start to feel like not just a group of people that like a thing, but people who have bonded and developed friendships. Your fandom family are the people you miss after the con ends, the ones who develop nicknames and inside jokes, who burn cupcakes in your oven and who your cat probably loves more than she loves you.

My first fandom family was the Hetalia fandom. I’ve known some of my Hetalia friends for almost 10 years now; they only knew me as Hungary when we first met, but a lot of us have gotten to be super close personal friends. The other day, I saw a post I made on Facebook just after I met my cosplay husband eight years ago (love you honey <3 ). I had no idea back in 2011 that all the people I’d met then would end up becoming so incredibly important to me. In cosplay or out, these are people who have become a regular fixture in my life. Even when I started branching out and cosplaying other fandoms, I always found myself migrating back to the Hetalians’ domain at the end of the day; years later, going to a Hetalia gathering still feels like coming home.

As I said, not all fandoms are created equal. I’ve made friends and had good times with all the fandoms that I’ve been in, but most are not what I would consider a fandom family for me. That’s not to say I disliked any of them, on the contrary; I love each and every one of my fandoms, and have represented all of them with pride. It’s just that I didn’t feel whatever it was that kept drawing me home to Hetalia, and for the longest time I assumed it was the nostalgia for my first fandom. There was just something special that made it stand out, and I couldn’t even figure out what it was.

As I sat at another fandom’s gathering recently, I took a second to look around. There were perhaps a couple faces I recognized from here and there, but the only person I really knew was the friend I had come with. When I joined that particular fandom, I remember more of my Hetalia friends had been into it, but they had long since migrated to other things. I came to realize that while I liked the fandom and the media it was based on, it lacked the connection I had felt with my Hetalia friends. I had fun, but it wasn’t a fandom family.

Now, who wants to take a wild guess as to what my newest fandom family is? Drum roll, please……………….

If you guessed Castlevania, you are 100% correct. Gold stars all around ! I was honestly a bit intimidated stepping into the Castlevania fandom. Everywhere else I’d been, I had either my main circle with me or overlap from the Hetalians. I was the first of my friends to stumble across this franchise, and didn’t know what to expect from the fanbase. As I fell in love with Alucard and began work on his cosplay, I prayed that the fandom would be kind; I didn’t want to be called a “fake fan” for not having played the games (gatekeeping is bullshit by the way, let people enjoy things), and I was afraid of the fandom being super elitist or something.

Boy, was I worried for nothing. I’ve only been cosplaying Alucard for a year now, and already I can feel the unmistakable pull of another fandom family. These are my people, no doubt about it. From the minute I stepped out in Alucard’s costume, I’ve received nothing but love from all the new friends I’ve made here. Castlevania came to me during a really hard time (not going into the story again, as you’ve all probably heard it by now), and I was honestly stunned when I had people who had only just met me say “hey, I’m here if you need someone.” I’m fortunate to have a huge circle of support from family and friends around me, and it makes me so happy to see that circle ever growing.

And that’s what fandom family means to me; we’re not just a collection of geeks who like the same nerdy thing. A fandom family are the ones who stand apart from the crowd trying to force their way through the artist alley. They’re the ones who cry with you when the escalator eats your costume, the people almost as excited about hosting your first gathering as you are, and whose arms you run into yelling “MOMMYYYYY!!” the minute you see them.

If you’ve never had a fandom family, you are missing out. It’s really hard to describe accurately the love I have for these people. It’s a bond that goes deeper than simply “hey, we like x thing!” It’s knowing that even if you’re dressed like dorks and crammed like sardines into a convention hall, these people care. They’re with you through the highs and lows, and they make your life and your fandom experience richer. It may be a different fandom for everybody, but once you find it, you’ll know. And if you’ve found a fandom family, hang on to them; I know I will.

Also just a note: this isn’t a comprehensive list of everyone in my fandom family! For some reason I don’t have pictures of everyone.

The post On Fandom Families appeared first on Jennifer Lidikay.

The Costume

Okay, so one might think that there isn’t much “costume” to Mystique. My dad and I, however, beg to differ. Neither of us really had any idea how to pull this off when we started, so the first step was research. LOTS of it. I looked up bodypaint tutorials, how to make silicone prosthetics, the whole nine yards. There was a lot of experimentation involved, and like I said, we still haven’t gotten it quite right.

We started by figuring out what exactly we needed to make. I didn’t want to be completely exposed, both for legality and for the con creep factor. The trick was making something that LOOKED like skin, but still covered the important bits. I went through various designs for making something akin to a bathing suit bottom, and we went for doing molded silicone prosthetics for the top. And yes, that means we have a mold casting of my chest sitting on the shelf in the garage. Imagine having to explain THAT every time someone new comes over for a game of D&D.

Since I don’t have a lot of money, a lot of what we were using was… Well, let’s just say we were finding creative uses for things that were definitely not designed for costuming. The prosthetics were made from silicone caulking reinforced with medical gauze; I wanted to be able to reuse the pieces to cut down on costs, so we had to prevent them from tearing during application and removal. They’re a bit heavy though, so we have to rethink our strategy. We found that it was too thick to allow enough air to dry the adhesive… That made for a rather exciting almost-wardrobe-malfunction during an outing. How many people can say they almost flashed Hollywood Boulevard?

Speaking of adhesives, that was another part we’ve had to experiment with. We tried liquid latex at first, then spirit gum, and I think our latest experiment was an actual adhesive prosthetic. I believe it’s either Ben Nye or Mehron, but I’d have to dig it up again to be sure. I’ve since used spirit gum and liquid latex in tandem while applying smaller things like my ears for my elf characters and Spock, but I found that neither really had the strength to hold something as large as the chest prosthetics. The last adhesive seemed to hold well enough when it was dry, but again, we had trouble getting it to dry completely. We didn’t discover this until, as I said we were in the middle of Hollywood Boulevard, and I felt something wet run down my stomach. And you know how in the movies, someone will put a hand to their abdomen, then pull it back and see they’re bleeding? Yeah it was just like that, but with my adhesive running through blue paint. I sure as heck made a beeline for the car when I saw that.

Then there’s the paint. We have been through so many different kinds of paint, it’s not even funny. My dad has used acrylic paints before for different bodypaint projects for photos, so that was our first go-to. While it was fine for the short time span (and smaller coverage area) required for the other projects, we found very quickly that it cracks and peels A LOT. I’ve known enough Homestuck cosplayers to know that things like greasepaint get everywhere, and neither of us fancied the thought of spending 10 hours sponging the cake-type paints on everywhere, so those were no-go. And then I read somewhere, someone said if you mix acrylic paint with liquid latex, it makes for a decent body paint. DON’T DO IT. IF THERE IS ANYTHING I REGRET MOST OF ALL FROM COSPLAYING, IT IS THE HORRIBLE, DUMBASS, GODAWFUL DECISION TO COVER MYSELF IN THIS STUFF. I will elaborate more in the next section, as it’s kind of a long story that belongs more under The Experience.

After that failure, I did some more research and saw a lot of people referencing alcohol-based body paints. I have yet to find one that is in a relatively cheap price range, so I’ll have to save up some money for the higher quality materials. I did pick up one that I thought would work, Ben Nye MagicColor, but I think that one is actually water-based, as it separated when we tried to dilute it with alcohol.

In addition to a base coat of blue, we also had a variety of different paints to try and create textures. Mystique kind of has this scale-like pattern all over, so we tried to replicate that. We had a couple paints from Liquitex that were mixed with glass beads and/or sand that looked pretty nice, but they were a little on the pricey side and took a while to dry. Last time I checked, I couldn’t find it on the shelves anymore either. Then we also used puffy fabric paint to kind of draw little dotted lines here and there for a variance in texture and pattern; it sticks better to skin when you would think, and dried with just a couple minutes under a hair dryer!

Mystique was the first cosplay for which I used my real hair; when it’s short, I can just slick it back with some hair gel and it works. With all the other costs involved, I really didn’t want to spend money on a wig when I didn’t have to. I bought some small stuff: Blue eyeliner and mascara, and some contacts.

The Experience

I REPEAT DO NOT COVER YOURSELF IN LIQUID LATEX FROM HEAD TO TOE. DON’T DO IT IF YOU VALUE ANY OR ALL OF YOUR PARTS. I thought I was being smart. I did a little patch test on my elbow for a day or so, and everything seemed fine. I figured, “Great! This will work! Comikaze, here I come!” Got up at an ungodly hour, got my dad up at an ungodly hour, and spent the next five hours in the chilly October morning getting sprayed with latex. I had a friend who was on hair dryer duty, and responsible for powdering all the latex to make sure it didn’t stick; the first problem was that they were afraid to get too personal with me, and left some *ahem* PLACES unpowdered. So as soon as I’m done drying, I go to take one step and my legs stick together. Cue me hobbling into the other room after my friend, crying out “You had ONE JOB!!”.

We went to the con anyway, and I just thought “This will be fine, I’ll just be careful.” All day long, I was finding new and interesting places that my friend hadn’t powdered. And every time the latex stuck and peeled, it HURT LIKE HELL. Think like getting a full-body wax, all day. My plan had been to be Mystique the entire weekend, but by the end of day one, I was done. I wanted out of the blue hell I had put myself in.

Then came the next problem… Getting the damn stuff off. I used just about every soap in the house, right up to the industrial-strength gunk remover that mechanics use, rubbing alcohol, bug repellent (why we thought of using that is a different story), and everything worked a little bit. Just a little. I soaked, scrubbed, and picked at it until I thought clawing my skin off entirely would be easier. I think I was up until 3 am, and only got about half of it off. Then after about 2 hours of sleep, I got up early, and scrubbed and scrubbed some more, until I got enough off that I could cover it with my Hungary costume. I think it took a week before I got the last dregs of it off… It was absolutely miserable.

Awful material choices aside, the con was fairly fun; it was a bit different than the rowdy, energetic anime crowd, but we had a good time. Also, Stan Lee made eye contact with me, and I got to hold the crossbow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer!

I didn’t get recognized as much as I thought I would; a lot of people called me an Avatar -_- Then again, I haven’t been able to cosplay her very often, so I don’t really have a wide test sample. I’d love to meet some other X-Men cosplayers some time!

The Future

A major part of the obstacle for this cosplay, and why I haven’t done her much, is just the cost. With most costumes, once I buy the materials and make it, that’s it. I have it to use and reuse for as many events as I want. With Mystique on the other hand, all of her materials are consumables. Everything gets used up and has to be repurchased for every application. Every time I want to cosplay her, it’s more money from my pocket. And as someone on a very tight cosplay budget, that makes things very difficult.

That being said, I really want the opportunity to cosplay her more. I swear I’m going to get this bodypaint thing right if it’s the last thing I do. I just have to get my hands on the right materials, and you will see her at another con.

The post Cosplay Highlights: Mystique appeared first on Jennifer Lidikay.

Hetalia sparked a love of history in me; two episodes featured the War of Austrian Succession, and Austria’s leader at the time, Maria Theresa. Now, I’m not going to go into a history rant (because believe me, I won’t stop), but if you feel like taking the time to read up on her, you won’t be disappointed; she’s one of my favorite historical figures, because she is BADASS. Anyway, I’m here to talk about cosplay, so let’s get right to it!

The Costume

I did a lot of sewing for my friends between making Hungary and Maria Theresa (you can see some of them in the video from the first Cosplay Highlights), but this was my first really ambitious costume. I designed it myself, taking inspiration from not only her appearance in Hetalia, but from actual paintings of her. My favorite is one by Andreas Møller around the time she was 11, although I looked at quite a few portraits and took pieces from here and there.

Everything about this costume was an adventure, because I had no experience actually making period costumes before this. Still in the height of my shiny fabric obsession, I bought a light blue satin at the fashion district and used a gold lamé fabric that I think someone had given me at some point. The cape is made from a thin crushed velvet also from the fashion district.

The real eyecatching part of Maria’s costume is all the trim; there’s five different kinds in total. The beaded netting on the bottom of the skirt’s outer layer is the same fabric as the center of the bodice. I didn’t get enough of the white beaded trim on the under layer, but no one has ever noticed the gap in the back! On the other hand, I STILL have a ton of the gold an white lace that adorns the very bottom of the hem and the edges of the sleeves; it came in a huge bulk bag that I underestimated the quantity of. Another white lace is along the neckline of the cape. I think my favorite, however, is the gold bead trim that runs up the length of the skirt on the front. All of the trim was sewn on by hand, and I swear I thought I would never be done… I’ve never had a lot of patience, especially when it comes to hand sewing.

This costume was my first foray into patterning anything myself. While the majority of it was cobbled together from about 3 different commercial patterns, I did the cape and the first version of the bodice. I say first version, because I actually changed some things after my first time using the costume. Initially, I had it lace up the front, and I made a triangular piece (affectionately nicknamed the Dorito) to cover up the laces. I later scrapped the Dorito, instead favoring a back zipper because the front just looked too bulky the way I originally made it.

Everything is attached by snaps; I was intimidated by the fact that this was my first heavy cosplay, so it’s all separate pieces. The skirt snaps onto the bodice at the waistband, and the cape snaps on at the shoulders. That’s actually one reason for the roses I put on the front: it’s not only a nod to the Møller painting, but they hide the point where the cape attaches to the dress.

Maria’s accessories came from all over, a lot I bought online. Above all else, I wanted to make sure I had a fan: with how hot it gets at Anime Expo, I knew I was going to die. It may only provide marginal relief from the heat, but I wanted whatever I could get. Plus, it makes a nice prop for photos! Her shoes came from David’s Bridal, after a looong search trying to find ones I liked. They may not be period accurate, but they were reasonably priced, and I could get them dyed to match my dress for free. The crown I used for her was one I bought at the Renaissance Faire in middle school, and first used as Queen Elizabeth I during my school’s “History Day”. Again not period accurate, but it matched the floral details that I wanted to highlight.

Now, Her wig gets its own paragraph. It’s a generic wig that I bought online, but this wig is a trooper. Of all the times I’ve worn it, for multiple cosplays, I have never had to replace it. I’ve styled it up, down, and all over, and 6 years later there’s hardly any frizz or shedding at all. I find that generic wigs can be very hit or miss, but this one has stood up better than some name brand wigs I’ve owned. Of course, being so long ago I can’t find it again, but I have never been more impressed with a generic wig.

The Experience

Debuting Maria Theresa was overwhelming. I’m lucky I had one of my best friends with me, cosplaying Frederick the Great. (Anyone notice our matching trim?) For some reason, we have a habit of picking characters who hate each other or have some sort of rivalry going on… But that’s beside the point. We weren’t entirely prepared by how much attention we would get with big costumes; it took us HALF AN HOUR just to cross the convention center lobby, and while I am flattered by such attention, the end of the day had us finding any route we could to avoid the lobby, just to be able to get anywhere on time.

It. Was. HOT. I knew what I was getting into, but I just about melted, especially with Anime Expo having moved all of their cosplay gathering sites outdoors. Despite my best efforts to use lightweight fabrics, to try and make the heat and the weight tolerable, it was still… So… HOT. However, it did provide a learning experience; I still carried a con bag, and found it very easy to stow things underneath my enormous skirt whenever we got stopped for photos. At one point, I considered sewing pockets into my hoop skirt to be able to store things, but then I realized I’d have to reach UP my skirt for anything throughout the day… Not very ladylike, right?

Another issue I quickly found was that people stepped on me SO MUCH. As Hungary, I never had a problem being stepped on unless I was sitting or laying down somewhere, and even then, it was nothing like the hell Maria went through. I tried to keep from taking up an obscene amount of space, I really did. My hem barely skimmed the floor, and I shortened her cape from the long coronation style from the anime. I knew it would be a problem, and I tried my best to stop it. But as I quickly found out, it did absolutely no good. By the end of the con, I had pieces of lace that needed replacing, and a whole section at the side of my skirt where it had been torn from the waistband. All because it had been stepped on by me, my friends, and everyone else in attendance.

Also a new experience was being mistaken for other characters… A LOT. I can’t tell you how many times I got called Cinderella, or had people assume I was just “a princess”. Even among the Hetalians, a disappointing number of people thought I was a female version of France (although I did use the wig for fem France eventually… Off topic). Even so, it made all the sweeter when someone DID recognize us. I distinctly remember finding a full group of Austrian Succession cosplayers once, and I swear I didn’t ever want to let them go. My babiiiiieeeeesssss!!! Sorry, my fangirl is starting to show, isn’t it?

Even despite the general populace not knowing who I was, it felt amazing to be Maria Theresa. I felt regal, I felt powerful, and I only hope I did justice to the great woman she was. I got so obsessed with Austrian history, especially the Habsburgs, I had to learn everything about her. My friend and I even went to Vienna in 2017, and I’m certain by the end of our week and a half trip she was tired of hearing me babbling like the rabid fangirl I am. And no, I didn’t take my costume to Europe with me… I didn’t want anyone to think I was trying to make fun, and I certainly did NOT want to wrestle a hoop skirt into my luggage.

The Future

I haven’t worn Maria Theresa in quite some time. As I said in my first Cosplay Highlights, it’s been a while since I’ve had the opportunity to do anything Hetalia related. That’s not to say I’ve left the fandom or given up on cosplaying her, it’s just that it’s a fandom on the back burner for now.

For a while, I’ve actually toyed with the idea of completely remaking this one. My skills have improved greatly since 2013, and it’s always been in the back of my mind that I could do it better, more period accurate. I know so much more now, and I feel like it would be interesting to just physically see the improvement. Like how artists take a piece they did years ago and redraw them.

The main obstacle to doing that, however, is time and money. It was an expensive enough project the first time, and if I expect to use higher quality materials, it would be a lot of resources committed that I just don’t have right now. On top of that, I would want to be able to wear it out; I don’t have any events on the horizon for her, and I don’t want to commit to doing it if she’s just going to sit in my closet. Maybe someday, but for now that’s just wishful thinking.

What do you guys think? Would you be interested in seeing a new and improved version of this one?

The post Cosplay Highlights: Maria Theresa appeared first on Jennifer Lidikay.

At first, I thought about starting with Alucard because he’s the big flashy one that everyone’s interested in right now, but I figured it was better to start at the beginning. The first cosplay I made was for Anime Expo 2011, as Hungary from the anime Axis Powers Hetalia. I was still in high school, and my friends and I had all gotten obsessed with Hetalia after spending new year’s eve watching the first two seasons. We all giggled over this show about personified countries, and it wasn’t long before we started assigning characters to each other. Thus began my descent into fandom culture.

The Outfit

We all agreed to go to anime expo together once school let out, and we had the rest of the school year to prepare. I was in Fashion class in school, so I had ample time to put together my costume, working both at school and at home. During a field trip to the fashion district in downtown LA, I bought my fabric, and used a couple store bought patterns from Simplicity ( #2325 and #4282 for those who might be interested). From a technical standpoint, Hungary is not a difficult outfit, but 15-year-old me was just learning how to sew, so everything was a bit more difficult; appropriate fabric choice was one of the things I’d not yet gotten the grasp of. See, I had an obsession with shiny fabric. Just about everything I made in class was made from some sort of satin, including Hungary’s dress and apron. The dress held together through its years of use and abuse, but I did end up having to remake the apron over the summer; I had picked out a lightweight lining fabric that just couldn’t handle the stress and frayed like you wouldn’t believe. If I made it again today, would I go the same route? No, probably not. But as a teenager, I would have accepted nothing else.

Accessory wise, everything else in Hungary’s first run was mainly cobbled together from whatever I could find. I armed myself with a frying pan I brought from home (con security nowadays would never have let me through), and I had to double up on socks because my shoes were too big for me. I wore just about every skirt I owned underneath to act like a petticoat. My first wig was a cheap Halloween store Dorothy wig that I unbraided, and used my actual hair (dyed brown at the time) for her bangs. It wasn’t fancy, but it worked.

On the topic of wigs, I wore Hungary so often and for so long, I actually had 4 wigs for her. The first, as I said, was a cheap Halloween one I already had from an old costume. I had no idea how to care for wigs, and it soon turned into a frizzy mess atop my head. Her second was a generic wig I got off of Amazon, which I wore for a couple years, Compared to the first, it was a thing of beauty, long and silky curls falling to my waist. However, it also succumbed to the fate of getting super frizzy ends eventually, and not knowing how to fix it, I replaced it. It was with the third wig that I found the upside to name brand wigs: a gorgeous dark brown Hestia from Epic Cosplay, which became my default wig for a lot of looks (anyone see my Austria this year at ALA?). I still have that one, and have bought numerous Epic wigs since then. Unlike Hungary’s canon appearance, I usually went with a darker brown for her wigs, because I personally thought the dark brown would look better on me. Again, I would probably make a different decision now; in fact, my latest Hungary wig is a more caramel-colored Hera from Epic Cosplay, though I actually haven’t had the chance to wear it with her.

But see, the beauty of making a cosplay is the control you have over it. You get to decide whether to go with canon or break from it, and it all depends on what you want to create. I went with unconventional fabric and color choices. It still got the point across, people could distinguish my cosplay from the other Hungary cosplayers, and most importantly, I HAD FUN.

The Experience

What really sets Hungary apart from my other cosplays is my history with her. After our first con, the cosplay bug really bit me and my friends hard, and we looked for every excuse we could to cosplay. We went to the mall, the beach, school, everywhere. Any time we hung out, the question was raised: was this a cosplay event? More often than not, the answer was yes. I probably wore that costume more often than anything else in my closet in high school, and just about everything in my life became somehow related to Hetalia. I even turned in a piece of fan fiction once as homework… My English teacher was not amused.

To be honest, without Hungary, none of my other cosplays would have existed. I fell so in love with the cosplay community, and I have so many good friends thanks to Hetalia. Seriously, about 90% of my cosplay friends first knew me as Hungary, and my whole group of high school friends bonded over fandom. For years, she became like a new part of my identity. Even out of cosplay, my friends and I called each other by our country names for years (seriously, I think I only changed all the contacts in my phone to their real names like a year and a half ago?). It was all new and exciting, and although it might be strange to someone outside the community, I’m really grateful for everything starting to cosplay has brought me.

Before I got started cosplaying, I never would have thought about costume design as a career path; I got into fashion when I was about 11 and started watching Project Runway and America’s Next Top Model. I thought costume design was a little silly, actually, because no one expects to see someone walk down the street in a costume and go, “Oh yes, that’s a Jennifer Lidikay design!” Ha… Ha… If only middle school me could see the future, she’d have known that I am now the weirdo walking down the street in a costume. Not to mention the fact that movies and TV shows need costume designers too. Without starting to cosplay, I wouldn’t have my current dreams and ambitions.

The Future

I actually don’t have Hungary’s original outfit anymore; I have a couple other versions I bought and/or made later, but I outgrew the little green dress I made in high school. She sat in my closet for a while, begging me for adventures and attention I couldn’t give her anymore. I didn’t quite want to let her go completely, selling the costume at a yard sale or Goodwill or anything like that. It meant so much to me, I couldn’t just let it go to a stranger who had no idea of its history. Still, it was unfair to let her sit in my closet, unused.

Then the opportunity arose to give her a new life; a friend of mine posted to facebook that she was looking for an outfit for Chibitalia, For those who haven’t seen Hetalia, in the show, Italy as a child also wore a green dress, supposedly an old outfit of Hungary’s that was passed down. I messaged her about it, and we arranged for her to have my old costume. It was bittersweet to let it go, but I was so happy to know it was going to someone who would love it as much as I did. So although it’s not mine anymore, who knows; you may just see it floating around at a con or event somewhere!

As for me personally cosplaying Hungary, she’s kind of taken a back burner for the time being. After I retired my dress, I was working on making her uniform for the show for a while, but I hit a bit of a snag with getting that done, and I’m not sure when I’ll have a chance to complete it. So while there’s no plans in the immediate future for her, she’s still waiting in the wings, waiting for her chance to once again take center stage. I will probably never completely retire her, because there will always be a place in my heart for my first fandom.

The post Cosplay Highlights: APH Hungary appeared first on Jennifer Lidikay.

First off, when this little vampire anime popped up on my Netflix one day last year, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I literally just had nothing better watch, and thought “what the heck is this?”. Then I fell for Alucard, because hey, pretty vampire boy! I thought nothing of it when I decided to start working on a cosplay for him.

Then out of the blue, sitting at my sewing desk, a realization hit me that made this series, and this character, far more personal than I ever thought. Alucard is the half-vampire son of Dracula, and has to fight against his father for the sake of mankind and all that jazz. Take away the fantasy aspect of it, and you have an adult survivor of an abusive parent. For me, the adult daughter of an alcoholic mother, the story took on a whole new meaning.

I clung to Alucard like a lifeline; I’m fairly certain many of my friends and family now question my grip on reality, but I swear I don’t literally believe I’m Alucard. But in the middle of my personal crisis, here’s a character with the same story as me, who is unwavering, unbreakable, and unafraid. And with an awesome cape to top it off (at least in his game design).

Now if you missed the spoiler alert at the top, this is your last warning!

Season two of the anime came out this past Friday, and I couldn’t have been more excited- I had the past year to fangirl over my newfound obsession, and I was dying to see my beautiful boy Alucard again. But oh boy, I didn’t expect it to hit home quite that hard.

In one of the first scenes, Alucard has a short monologue about his identity as an opposite to Dracula. That struck a chord with me, because it was honestly too relatable. When people talk about cutting out toxic friends or relationships, they always say you should get rid of everything from your time with them… That’s not possible with a toxic parent. My mother left when I was 19; I can’t just cut out everything from the first 19 years of my life. I have had a long battle reminding myself that my childhood belongs to me, not to her. Like Alucard, I’ve struggled with the idea that I am not defined by my mother, and that I have an identity outside of my relation to her.

Also like Alucard, I didn’t have an unhappy childhood. I have good memories with my mother, just enough to make things confusing. Like everyone else, I remember making mothers day gifts, telling her how much I loved her. And I thought, like any other mother, she loved her children. Her abuse wasn’t obvious when I was young; I don’t have physical scars. She never beat me, and I didn’t go to school with horrific injuries (except one incident of too-realistic makeup scaring my history teacher, but that’s another story). It was more subtle than that, and I just accepted it as the way things were. I didn’t think of myself as an abused child, because I didn’t know anything else.

It got worse as I got older; her drinking problem was acknowledged about the time I graduated high school, and it only got progressively worse. Hardly a day went by when she wasn’t angry at someone or something; she lied, she yelled, and she manipulated everyone she encountered. No matter who tried to help her or how, anyone who wasn’t enabling her became an obstacle for her to circumvent, including me and my family. I always had a hard time standing up for myself, especially with her; it caused less trouble for me to just keep my head down and try not to set her off. After a lifetime of practice, I’d gotten pretty good at that.

It all came to a head the night before Halloween in 2013. She picked a fight with me so bad that I left the house, and I was too scared to go back until I saw my dad’s truck in the driveway. I told him what happened, and the incident escalated into a family-wide dispute in which my dad told her she had to choose the alcohol or us. She left the next morning. I don’t think any of us knew how to react; I put on my Halloween costume and went to work. That period was the calm before the storm. For the first time in my life, there were no arguments, no slamming doors, and no fear of going home. We all thought it was over, but that was only the beginning of the war.

We spent the last few years in divorce proceedings (and yes, I say we because we’re a family, and all in this together) that have been a strain beyond what any of us could have imagined, and sometimes beyond what we thought we could endure. Every time we went to the court house felt like walking onto a battlefield. It felt exactly like Trevor asking Alucard if he was ready to face Dracula. “No, but let’s put an end to this anyway.”

EVERYTHING IN THE FIGHT WITH DRACULA HURT ME. A part of me wishes I could have spoken to my mother like Alucard faced Dracula. I couldn’t have done it when she first left, but I’m a different person now. I’ve grown, I’ve gotten stronger, and like Alucard, I’m not alone. I have my family and friends around me, and I’m more grateful for them than words could ever express. Just like Trevor and Sypha, I know they all have my back.

And then came THAT scene. If you’ve seen season two, you know what I’m talking about. Dracula throws Alucard through a wall, steps through, and stops just as he looks ready to it him again. “It’s your room,” he says, and all of a sudden Alucard is in the context of being his son again. He’s not an obstacle or an enemy. “My boy… I’m killing my boy, Lisa… I’m killing our boy.” I’m sure you all know my opinions on people who hurt their children (see my previous article, Responsibilities of Being a Parent) and you should know how much that line broke me down. In that scene, Dracula showed more humanity than my mother has. I would give anything to see her realize the damage and the hurt she’s inflicting on people she used to claim she loved.

In going through my house to clear out her things, I spent probably two days sifting through old family photos. I found some of my baby photos, from what I assume was my first birthday. She looked just like any other mom holding her baby. And it hurts so much to think that somewhere along the way, she stopped seeing us as her family. I stopped being her baby. I don’t want her back in my life, but I just wish for even a second, she could stop and see what she’s done.

Even Alucard is not unbreakable, which to be honest, I really appreciate. The final episode of the season shows the aftermath of Dracula’s defeat, especially in regards to Alucard. His walking through the empty castle reminded me of being home alone after my mother was gone. I’ve found that I actually like being alone a lot of the time, but it’s not always a good thing. Like Alucard, I had to pick up the broken pieces of everything, and there were reminders of both the good and the bad times everywhere. Even without any dialogue, the last scenes spoke louder than the entire rest of the season in my opinion. Alucard takes a chair, sits down, and cries. And not just a single tear for dramatic effect; he weeps, overwhelmed by the weight of everything that’s happened. And I felt that scene in the very core of my being. Through Alucard, I saw every time I have had to excuse myself to avoid melting down in front of someone else. He looked exactly how I felt every time I’ve cried so hard I didn’t know if I could stop. And in a way, it makes me feel okay. It’s okay to break down, and it’s not a sign of weakness. Alucard is shown to be a strong, capable character, and even he breaks down and cries because of what he’s been through.

And even to someone who doesn’t have my issues, I think that last scene is important. It brings a sense of realism to Alucard’s character, and I think it’s really important to have an emotionally vulnerable moment like that for him. He’s never once seen as weak or incapable; he’s just… human. And as far as I know, that’s something that anyone can relate to. It hurts, and in my case it felt like a punch to the stomach, but I am honestly glad to see something like that portrayed. What happens after the battle is just as important as the battle itself. Recovering from trauma takes time, speaking from experience, and I am just very grateful to see that portrayed in Castlevania.

Also just saying, his friends TOTALLY need to go back for him. The boy needs a hug. And heck, hug me too.

The post When Fiction Mirrors Reality appeared first on Jennifer Lidikay.

The post Hetalia Rant appeared first on Jennifer Lidikay.

So yesterday, the school was doing CAHSEE testing (that stands for California High School Exit Exam). All the sophomores have to take it, and they can’t graduate if they don’t pass it by the end of their senior year.I, being a senior, didn’t have to take it. But when I got to school, my classroom was still being used for the test. So I had to spend an entire hour sitting in the vice principal’s office (which I don’t think she likes me very much). I was supposed to be doing said ten chapters of work, but I wasn’t. I was flipping through the index of my book, looking for stuff that was referenced in Hetalia (Prussia, Liechtenstein, etc.) And I nearly cried.

The book had NOTHING about Maria Theresa, The war of Austrian Succession, Liechtenstein, Sealand (although I didn’t really expect there to be anything on him), Nothing about Russia besides the Cold War, and what side he fought on for ww2. There was BARELY ANYTHING about Prussia at all, it certainly didn’t cover the fact that he was dissolved by the Allies. It had barely anything about the Austro-Hungarian empire, or its collapse, nothing about Germania other than referencing “Germanic invaders” as contributing to the fall of Rome.

For all you people that say “Hetalia doesn’t teach you anything accurate”, I say…

IT’S BETTER THAN RELYING ON THAT SORRY EXCUSE OF A HISTORY TEXTBOOK THAT HAS MORE HOLES THAN A BLOCK OF SWISS CHEESE

The post To the People who think Hetalia Isn’t Educational appeared first on Jennifer Lidikay.